So, I’m watching TV, right, and this woman (who’s on the run from the cops) grabs a hostage at random, points her gun at said hostages head and screams at the myriad police officers who have swarmed into the building and who now out number her roughly 300:1 to put their guns down, or she’ll shoot the hostage.

Hi, by the way……

…..sorry to just launch into it this week, but I’m on the verge of being incredibly ill (seriously, you have no idea just how ill I’m going to be. No-one on the planet has ever been as ill as I’m about to become. We’re talking blocked nose, sore throat, feelings of abject shiteyness. There may even be sneezing) and my brain just won’t work. I keep trying to kick it into gear, but all I’m getting is a bit of smoke and some horrifying grinding noises. To be honest, I’ve been on the verge of catastrophic illness for the passed few weeks but I’ve been soldiering on like a hero. Now, however, I can feel it taking me over and I don’t think I have the strength within me to fight it anymore. If I don’t make it, I’d like to be buried at sea, please. I have no real maritime heritage, I’m just concerned that I contain potentially hazardous material that could pose some form of ecological threat should I be buried or cremated.

But, for now, I’ll struggle on…

Where was I? Oh yeah, the hostage.

So, anyway, the bad guy…er…woman, is standing out in the open, and is holding her hostage, the one whose head she keeps threatening to ventilate, around the throat. The cops, all frightening well armed are pointing their guns at her from various angles yet, despite there being a bigger police presence in that particular location than there has ever been at a protest in Belfast, not one officer has taken it upon themselves to sneak around the outside of the building and pop in behind the woman through the door directly behind her and pop a cap in her ass

Apparently, the police in this particular story are idiots.

Anyway, this continues for a few seconds: police honing their aim, crazy woman loudly exclaiming that she’s ready to kill the hostage, then something ridiculous happens: she demands that the police all put down their weapons….and they do.

Am I the only one who sees the flaw in this?

The taking of a hostage in this particular situation was a desperate move, I get that, but the police have this woman, not only cornered, but massively outgunned. The only way they could have increased their tactical advantage was if the Millennium Falcon swooped gently around the corner with Han waving out of the windows all friendly like. So why do they comply with her demands that they drop their guns?

Let’s face it, the situation belongs to the cops. The crazy woman is not going to shoot her hostage because she wants to escape. Shooting her hostage would simply create a dead weight in her arms that she wouldn’t be able to carry, thereby exposing her nubile frame to a shower of swift lead misery. And she obviously isn’t suicidal enough to shoot the hostage, consequences be damned, because taking the hostage in the first place was designed to keep her alive.

I never understand this move in films. Take a hostage as leverage, fine. But take a hostage in a stand off? You should always, always lose.

I know that’s ending things a little abruptly, but I can feel the sickness climbing down my throat and I need to find a quiet corner in which to crawl so that I can die in peace.

Tata.